“Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.”

by

Buddha quotes (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

First off, I have an explanation as to why this is about 27 hours late. Yesterday was marching band all day. I woke up late and arrived to rehearsal late and then didn’t get home until 10:30 and fell asleep. This assignment has been harder for me than I figured it would be. Opening up isn’t the problem. The problem is explaining and letting people understand. That ends my explanation and I’m very sorry for the lateness.

Independence.

Family bonding.

Terror, pain, agony, sorrow.

Sorrow row row your boat gently down the stream, Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream.

Life is but a dream…

Life… A dream…

A dream…

Why a dream?

Why can’t I wake up from this dream.

Nightmare

Definition of Nightmares
A nightmare is a dream occurring during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep that arouses feelings of intense, inescapable fear, terror, distress, or extreme anxiety that usually awakens the sleeper.

Description of Nightmares
A nightmare is a vivid, frightening dream that usually results in the dreamer waking up with full or partial recall of the dream itself. A night terror is an episode of extreme fright during sleep without any recollection of a dream. Both nightmares and night terrors strike children much more often than adults.
Nightmares, unlike night terrors, can be recalled afterward and are accompanied by much less anxiety and movement. These frightening dream experiences, which tend to occur at times of insecurity, emotional turmoil, depression, or guilt, can occur in all age groups.
Nightmares occur exclusively during REM sleep. REM sleep phases grow longer in the latter part of the sleep cycle, and the majority of nightmares occur from the middle of the night onward.(http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/612/main.html)

Inescapable.

Perfect.

“Dad, why do these things happen?”

“Bad things happen to good people. You just never know. You never know when it’s your time to go. It could be today. It could be tomorrow. But when it’s your time, it’s your time and there’s no stopping it.” -the words of the wisest man I know.

Worry and fear.

Fear and worry.

Remembering. It kills me. In order to move on I must remember.

This is how it all began:

(Wind ensemble rehearsal. Friday before Christmas break. Office lady walks in.)

Nice peppy office lady: Is Nichole Simmons here?

Miss McCabe: Yes She’s in the back.

Nice peppy office lady with huge smile on her face: I have a note for her. Her mother’s going to pick her up from school today so she doesn’t need to get on the bus.

Miss McCabe: Thank you!

(Class dismissed. Walking to band room from wind ensemble. Nichole and Angela (the trumpet player who sits next to her in class))

Nichole: Those office ladies are always so freaking happy. What the hell is their problem!?

Angela: I don’t know! They could have the worst news ever like your dad died or something and still come tell you with a huge smile on their face.

(Walking to the front of the building with so-called best friend. Mom rushes in. Looks flustered. Kind of suspicious.)

Mom: Nichole! We need to go! Hurry up! (Starts running out the door)

Nichole: (running after Mom) What’s wrong?

Mom: The house is on fire. We need to get home.

pure disbelief. She’s so overDRAMATIC! It isn’t true. No big deal. Wait… Who’s car is this? Who’s that lady driving us? Why are the kids in the car? Why are they crying? WHAT’S GOING ON!?!?

Mom: Nichole, this is our neighbor from down the street. She drove me to pick you guys up so that Dad could stay at Jim’s with the fire fighters.

Nichole: What?! Is Dad alright? How did it happen? Is Chloe alright? Where is she? Why is Dad at Jim’s? What do they need him for?!

Mom: Dad’s alright. Chloe’s at the other Jim’s. They think it was the furnace. They need him to stay to help when we get to do the walk through.

(Scene driving home: Coming up to our road. Smoke in the air. Flashing lights. Road blocks. Let us through. My Dad’s in there! Driveways. Smoke. People everywhere. So cold. No coat. It’s inside on our coat rack. Or what’s left of it. Holes in my roof! Gigantic HOLES in my ROOF! Black windows.)

(Walk into Jim’s. Cold. DAD. Run. Hug. Hold.

Please don’t ever let me go.

Fire Chief. Nice guy. Explanations pppp lease. Safety boxes. Nothing can be saved.

You’re lucky you woke up when you did. With the way this fire spread and how hot it was, quite frankly John, you would’ve been trapped.

Awe. Thankful. Gratitude. Fate?

Was it fate that made this happen? Do I believe in fate?

Seasons come and seasons go….

Winter Spring Summer Fall

Time ticks, fads fade, Lessons are learned

Never ending monster.

Blessing in disguise, Curse and a blessing…. Whatever you want to call it

It always haunts me

It always finds me

In way unimaginable

“Look at this! I had one of those when I was just a baby!”
“Hey! I have one of those at home! Oh wait… Nevermind…”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh it’s nothing…”

“So when we were living in my aunt’s basement…”
“Why were you living in your aunt’s basement?”
“Well, our house burnt down… but that’s not the point. We were living in my aunt’s basement and my cousin…”
“Oh MY GOSH!!! I’m sooooooo sorry… I can’t believe that! Is everyone alright? Did it burn all the way down? What happened! when!? Oh MY GOSH!!!!”

Frustration

(walking out of the track… Random man hands me a $20 bill…)
“Umm… I think you have the wrong person!”
“No I don’t. You’re the girl who’s house burnt down right?”
“Yeah. But I don’t need this.”
“No no no! Take it I insist.”
(The man walks away)

Is it ungrateful even though I feel like a charity case? Is it wrong to not want help? Am I a horrible person if I’m sick of people talking about it?

 Pity vs. Compassion
 

Nichole Simmons

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One Response to ““Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.””

  1. Memoirs of a Crazy Fool: The Wisdoms and Mysteries of A Young Life by: Nichole Simmons « Introduction to English Studies Says:

    […]  High school goes by fast. Cherish every moment of it. College goes by faster. Savor every memory made from it. “Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water… […]

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